The Stanley Cup Ruined My Gut
How I accidentally sabotaged my digestive system with a trending water bottle.
For months, my Stanley Cup and I were inseparable. It had a thick straw, perfect pastel aesthetics, and the emotional support energy of a therapy session in cup form.
At work? It was there. On the couch? Still there. On long walks, short errands, desk meetings, existential spirals? Always there.
I drank water like it was my job. I thought I was thriving. Glowing. Hydrating like the wellness girlies told me to.
Until I wasn’t.
The Bloat Came First
At first, it felt like nothing. A little burping. A little discomfort. But then bloating became constant. My jeans stopped fitting by 3 p.m. My stomach made strange noises like it was trying to communicate distress in Morse code. I started blaming food. Hormones. Stress. Mercury in retrograde.
I never thought to blame… the straw.
Meet the Villain: Air
Turns out, when you sip through a straw—especially one as aggressively efficient as the Stanley Cup’s—you’re not just sipping water. You’re swallowing air. Constantly.
That air doesn’t just disappear. It travels through your system. It builds pressure. It gets trapped. It ferments. It throws off the whole damn digestive party. The result?
Bloating. Gas. Belching. And a stomach that felt like it hated me.
The Overhydration Plot Twist
Here’s the part no one talks about on wellness TikTok: overhydration is real. Especially if you’re pounding water while you eat. I thought I was helping my body digest. I was actually diluting my stomach acid—the very thing designed to break food down and help me absorb nutrients.
The result?
Less nutrient absorption
More acid reflux
A stomach that felt like a sloshing waterbed of regret
No, Switching to a Regular Cup Didn’t Fix It Immediately
Because by then, my gut was in full rebellion mode. Even sipping from a regular glass felt like a risk. I had trained my body into a pattern it didn’t love—and it wasn’t going down quietly. It took weeks of resetting to get back to a baseline. A non-burpy, non-ballooned baseline.
The Wake-Up Call
It wasn’t a doctor. It wasn’t a diagnosis. It was me, lying on the couch post-dinner, clutching my stomach and wondering why I felt so off, when I realized:
I’ve been hydrating like it’s a competition. And I’ve lost.
What I Do Now (The Not-So-Glamorous Fix)
I sip slowly from a regular cup. Like, actually sip.
I don’t drink water during meals—just before or after.
I treat my digestion like a delicate ecosystem, not a garbage disposal.
I stopped romanticizing “trendy hydration” and started listening to my body instead.
Final Thought: Maybe Simplicity Isn’t Boring—It’s Healing
The Stanley Cup didn’t ruin my life. But it did remind me of something I forget too easily: just because something is popular doesn’t mean it’s good for you.
Your gut doesn’t care about what’s trending. It cares about what’s working.
So if you’re bloated, gassy, refluxy, or just vaguely miserable—and you’ve ruled out food, hormones, and everything else—look at how you’re drinking. And maybe… ditch the straw.
