Starbucks Issues New Dress Code, Forgets It’s 2025
By Brewtiful Living Staff | Published in The Editorial Room
April 21, 2025
Original reporting via MSN
In a move that no one asked for—but someone in corporate definitely approved—Starbucks has rolled out a new dress code limiting what baristas can wear under their green aprons.
Yes, your iced vanilla latte will now be handed to you by someone whose layered individuality has been officially deemed a workplace distraction.
The Official Change (Because of Course There’s a Memo)
According to MSN’s coverage, Starbucks baristas are now prohibited from wearing:
Bright colors
Logos
Bold patterns
Layered clothing that might—heaven forbid—“peek out” from under the apron
Translation: dress like a muted earth tone and hope no one notices you exist.
Let’s Break It Down: Aesthetic Policing in a Latte Economy
This isn’t about aprons. It’s about control—the curated kind that hides behind “professionalism” but smells suspiciously like “bland conformity.”
Starbucks, a brand that markets self-expression as a lifestyle, apparently draws the line at a visible striped tee.
You can be:
Approachable
Mildly edgy (as long as it fits a minimalist moodboard)
Androgynous but not confusing
Feminine, but in gauze
But don’t be too real. Don’t be too bold. And definitely don’t look like you’ve ever had an actual opinion.
When Beige Becomes Oppression
This isn’t about aesthetics—it’s about suppression. Soft, passive, perfectly branded suppression.
Imagine wearing a shirt that makes you feel like yourself. Then getting a memo that calls it distracting.
Sweetie, the brand is a cup with your name misspelled on it. Let’s not pretend you’re representing the Vatican.
Can We Also Talk About Timing?
While baristas juggle mobile orders, oat milk shortages, and passive-aggressive stares from customers who clearly said “no foam,” someone at corporate decided the real issue... was undershirts.
Union efforts are rising. Costs are rising. Burnout is rising.
But sure. Let’s audit Liv’s sleeves.
Here’s What Starbucks Could Actually Fix Instead
If we’re suddenly passionate about appearances, here’s what might deserve a memo before cracking down on someone’s patterned tank top:
The eternal sticker problem. Why is my name and self-worth slapped halfway down the cup like a toddler did it?
The mobile order vortex. Karen grabs the wrong drink every time and somehow leaves feeling empowered.
The mysteriously broken espresso machine. It’s always broken. Always.
The playlist. Stop looping six lo-fi tracks. It’s not ambiance; it’s psychological warfare.
Training. Maybe prep new hires before launching them into a 17-drink line with one functioning blender from 2007.
Actual workplace support. Want polish? Start with fair wages and basic respect.
The cup sizes. Admit it: “Venti” is gaslighting.
The customer hierarchy. Drive-thru gets therapy. Baristas get blamed.
Let’s focus less on under-apron aesthetics and more on the chaos boiling over behind the counter. Just a thought.
This Just In
🗞️ Your semi-reliable, not-at-all-official editorial ticker
This Just In: Employee individuality declared a threat to beverage consistency. Apron now considered sacred cloth.
Also Breaking: Customers still don’t know what they want, but now baristas can’t wear stripes while they figure it out.
Update: Baristas told to “leave the drama at home” while being given drama in memo form.
Developing: Internal studies confirm no one has ever been emotionally stabilized by beige.
Final Sip
The coffee’s still overpriced.
The apron’s still green.
The rules? Still exhausting.
Wear the shirt anyway.
They can’t fire all of us.
