Lesser-Known Signs You're Dating a Narcissist from the Start

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Dear Brewtiful,

I recently started dating someone new, and while things seem great, there are some subtle behaviors that have me feeling a bit uneasy. I've heard a lot about narcissists, but I'm wondering if there are early signs that people often overlook. Can you shed some light on lesser-known things that might indicate I'm dating a narcissist?

Sincerely,
Cautiously Curious

Dear Cautiously Curious,

Great question! Recognizing the early signs of a narcissist can be tricky, especially when they're subtle and not talked about as often. Let's dive into some of the lesser-known red flags that might indicate you're dealing with a narcissist from the very beginning.

Overwhelming Flattery That Feels Off

One of the first signs might be excessive flattery. While it’s nice to receive compliments, a narcissist often goes overboard, showering you with praise that feels insincere or over the top. This tactic, known as love-bombing, is designed to hook you quickly and make you feel special, but it can also feel like they’re trying too hard, too soon.

Boundary Testing in Disguise

Another early sign is subtle boundary testing. They might show up unannounced, ask for more of your time than you're comfortable with, or pressure you into situations that don’t feel right. These small tests are their way of seeing how much control they can exert over you, even in the early stages.

Grand Gestures with Strings Attached

Love-bombing often comes with grand gestures, but with a twist. A narcissist might do something extravagant for you, but if you don’t respond with the same level of enthusiasm, they might guilt-trip you or make you feel bad for not being as invested. This is their way of keeping the power dynamic in their favor.

Quick to Share Personal Sob Stories

Narcissists are often quick to share personal trauma or sob stories early on. While it might seem like they’re being vulnerable, this is usually a tactic to evoke your sympathy and create a fast bond. They want you to feel sorry for them and more invested in the relationship from the get-go.

Frequent Mentions of Ex-Partners

If they frequently talk about their exes, either idealizing them or demonizing them, this could be a red flag. Narcissists often use their exes as a way to manipulate your perception of them. If they constantly praise an ex, it might be to make you feel like you need to live up to that standard. If they trash-talk their ex, it’s often to make you feel like they were the victim, setting you up to be their savior.

Trust Your Gut

If something feels off, trust your instincts. Narcissists are skilled at masking their true selves, especially in the beginning. Pay attention to these lesser-known signs, and don’t ignore any red flags, no matter how small they might seem.

Sincerely,
Brewtiful