The Subtle Signs You Should’ve Run
Dear Brewtiful,
I recently started dating someone new, and while things seem great, there are some subtle behaviors that have me feeling a bit uneasy. I've heard a lot about narcissists, but I'm wondering if there are early signs that people often overlook. Can you shed some light on lesser-known things that might indicate I'm dating a narcissist?
Sincerely,
Cautiously Curious
Dear Cautiously Curious,
Ah yes, the honeymoon haze: where the lighting is flattering, the compliments come hard and fast, and your gut quietly clears its throat in the corner.
You’re wise to pause. Because if something feels off, it usually is—and narcissists rarely enter the picture waving obvious red flags. They slip in with charm, vulnerability, and compliments that feel like confetti until you realize they’re actually camouflage.
Let’s pull back the curtain. Here are some lesser-known signs you might be dating a narcissist—from someone who’s walked through the wreckage and lived to alphabetize the trauma:
1. Compliments That Don’t Land Right
It sounds backwards, I know. But love-bombing isn’t about love—it’s about disarming you before you can form a full opinion. If their compliments feel scripted or oddly intense (“You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met” on date two), clock it. The point isn’t to see you—it’s to hook you.
2. They Rush the Timeline—Emotionally or Logistically
“Let’s go away together.”
“I’ve never felt this way before.”
“I deleted my apps because of you.”
This isn’t romance. It’s a speed-run toward control. If you feel like the relationship is moving faster than your emotional capacity can keep up with, that’s not passion—it’s pressure disguised as chemistry.
3. They Subtly Test Boundaries, Then Act Confused When You Say No
They show up at your place uninvited but “just wanted to surprise you.”
They pout when you don’t text back quickly but claim they’re “just really into you.”
This isn’t miscommunication. It’s data collection—they’re learning how much they can push before you flinch.
4. They Weaponize Vulnerability Early On
Oversharing trauma on date one? Telling you deep secrets “they’ve never told anyone” before the entrée arrives? That’s not openness—it’s trauma bait. Narcissists fast-track emotional intimacy not because they want connection, but because they want access.
5. Ex Talk with a Plot Twist
If they paint every ex as “crazy,” “manipulative,” or “toxic,” pay attention. That script is auditioning you for the role of Rescuer. And spoiler: you’ll eventually be recast as the Villain. On the flip side, if they idealize an ex? It’s not innocent nostalgia—it’s bait to make you compete.
6. You Feel a Little Dizzy After Seeing Them
Not in the rom-com kind of way. In the “I can’t tell if I’m glowing or spiraling” kind of way. That’s your nervous system, not your heart. Narcissists create confusion and call it chemistry. If your body’s not relaxing around them, believe it.
Final Sip: If It Feels Off, It Probably Is
Early narcissists are like emotional con artists: charming, attentive, addictive—and subtly soul-siphoning. They don’t show their true face until you’re invested. So if your gut is speaking up, listen harder than their compliments.
Protect your peace. Guard your energy. Ask better questions.
And if you’re already Googling “signs he might be a narcissist,” you probably already have your answer.
You’re not paranoid.
You’re paying attention.
With love and emotional armor,
Brewtiful
